In this teaching on Twin Flame Relationships, you will learn:
✨What mothering is and exactly how it looks like with men
✨Why mothering is the number 1 intimacy killer in your relationship
✨Why mothering is not as harmless as many women think
✨How to stop mothering and become irresistible for your twin flame

If you worry a lot about your twin’s psychical or mental health, cooking his meals, cleaning his house to make his daily life easier, or giving him thoughtful gifts to make him feel better - this blog article is for you.

Here's a letter from my client Sandra that I bet you can relate to: 

“Viona, I have a hard time leaning back and not thinking about my twin. I always want him to be safe and to know I'm there for him. I worry a lot because he is struggling now, and sometimes he doesn’t sleep or eat. How do I move across this? I am trying to learn from past mistakes to avoid repeating them. But I’m terrified of falling into my old ways with him, and I DON’T want to go back. Advice? Thanks!”

One of the most common and damaging things a woman can do in love is to act in a way that makes her twin flame see her as his mother and not his lover. This is a significant attraction killer in your relationship!

I explain more about how to manifest a twin flame reunion with your love goddess energy in my eBook. Download it for free below: 

WHAT IS MOTHERING?

Mothering is a role women take that feels very instinctive for us. It's a role that nature has planted in our DNA where we want to take care of the needs of our kids. Because of that biological program, this instinct makes women skilled in reading other people's needs.

It's the same behavior whether you're mothering your children or your man. As long as you're looking out for somebody else's needs and are helping in any capacity, you're in the mothering role.

Because the nature of mothering is serving, helping, and taking care of other people's needs, it's masculine energy.

Nurturing is NOT a feminine energy trait. You are not RECEIVING energy when you're in the mothering role; you are GIVING energy, right?

So nature planned this masculine instinct in us to take care of our children's needs so they would survive. The cavemen were out hunting or fighting grizzly bears, so the cavewomen needed to step into their masculine energy and take care of the kids when their men were away from home.

If the cavewomen didn't have this instinct, they would have allowed their kids to scream their lungs out when they were hungry or to starve for affection which would have made their chances of survival fucking slim. This biological instinct to mother where meant for our children, NEVER for our men!

So, why the fuck do we women get this need to step into the mothering role with men then?

WHY DO WE MOTHER MEN?

Our mothers model this need to step into the mothering role with men.

In our childhood homes, we observed a mother who was always looking out for our dad and always sacrificing her needs, always putting herself in the backseat and the man in the front seat. She likely also put you as the child in the front seat and herself in the backseat. 

I know that for me, my mum was always putting me, my siblings, and my dad's needs above herself. So, I did grow up in that kind of role-modeling environment where I thought that the way my mom was behaving in the relationship was the way to show a man you love him.

Many girls today grow up looking at their mom nurturing their dads, sacrificing their own needs, putting their womanhood behind, and playing the role of the mother. So these younger girls repeat the same pattern later with men, which is why they struggle in love and feel like something is missing.

If you would leave the mother, the boss lady, and a high achiever behind - what's left of you?

Your feminine energy. Your womanhood. Your core. All these are neglected when you start to take on this role as the mother 24/7 (I bet you're probably mothering your friends too!).

When it comes to mothering your kids you don't really have a choice. Having kids is a huge responsibility and you're meant to take care of all their emotional and physical needs because they can't survive without you.

But your twin flame CAN survive without you. He is a grown-ass man, not a baby. That's why mothering a man is the number one attraction and intimacy killer in your twin flame relationship. I see this pattern a lot with my clients in their intimate and romantic relationships, and it is causing them hell of a trouble with men.

WHY MEN HATES MOTHERING

"Viona, I did everything for this man. I took care of him and put his needs before mine. I was a really good girl and was there for him. And slowly we were not having sex anymore, and over time, he said that he isn't feeling it for me, and isn't sure he wants to be together anymore. How could this happen?".

If I had a nickel every time a woman came to me sharing that story... well I'm already a millionaire but you get my point. 🤣

Mothering men is damaging because your twin flame is not looking for a mother! He has not committed to a monogamous, committed relationship with you, so he can hire a new mother. He likely already has a mother, and he sure as hell has no desire to give up his freedom and commit to a romantic relationship so he can find a new mother.

As much as feminism has brought us equality in the world, our bodies are still old school when it comes to love. Men are not women with bigger, hairier bodies. The male twin flame has much more testosterone than you do, so he will not be attracted to a woman in mothering masculine energy.

To manifest a twin flame reunion, you must step out from this old 3D paradigm where women are trained to believe men need “help.”

Society (aka your mother🤣) is falsely teaching you that men can’t make up their minds, can’t make the right decisions, or don’t know what they feel or want. 

This inner programming leads to a “mom vibe” and creates a pattern of low-value mothering behaviors that makes him feel emasculated, and he will lose the attraction for you. As a result, your twin will become passive and lazy.

Your twin flame is here to experience romance with you.

He wants a sexually charged relationship with a radiant, gorgeous, hot-as-fuck woman (red lipstick, lovely perfume, and high heels are never wrong). He wants a relationship full of sexiness, fun, adventure, and high diva vibration with a woman who knows her fucking worth.

This is what he signed up for in this lifepath and what he hopes to get in your relationship. What happens if you're unaware is that after a couple of months of dating or in a marriage, you will slowly switch and move from hot date/girlfriend/wife/lover/seductress and take the role of the mother. 

The reason sex usually disappears when kids come into the relationship is that the woman can't step away from the mothering role. She starts to identify herself ONLY as a mother, not a lover or goddess, and her sex drive disappears.

A healthy masculine man wants and needs sex. 

This fact triggers many women and they judge their men for only being interested in sex. The fact is, that within a committed relationship, within a marriage role, and in a monogamous arrangement, sex is one of the deepest and most heartfelt ways we connect with our men and how men connect with us...and mothering is gonna kill it.

If you give yourself permission to step away from the mothering, giving, and doing the role, you will find that it's not only the man who wants sex. You also want it. The woman inside of you (not the mother) CRAVES sex, touch, and physical intimacy!

So, mothering is a sign of low self-respect and neglect. You are not looking out for the woman inside of you. By mothering your twin flame you're showing him that you don't value yourself or your needs, and that's the number one attraction and intimacy killer in your relationship. 

What are “mothering” behaviors?

👉Householding, like shopping, cleaning, cooking, baking (example: picking up his dry cleaning, making him lunch, darning his socks, doing his dishes)

👉Helping him financially, like paying for his food or bills 

👉Driving him home after he’s been out partying with friends or driving him to work 

👉Send him messages like “drive safely” or “call me when you are home.” 

👉Doing psychic readings to understand what he needs so you can help him

👉Shower him with compliments when he talks bad about himself.

👉Checking in on him when he is sick

👉Worrying about his physical or mental health

👉Sending positive thoughts or healing to him

👉Discussing his problems and concerns with girlfriends, psychics, or doctors.

👉Reminding him to take his vitamins, clean his room, or wear gloves on winter days.

👉Coaching him around his blocks or knocking some sense in him

👉Giving him advice on how to live his life or solve his job problems 

If you are falling into this “mothering” trap (I did as well for so many years), you are taking the fastest fucking road to separation and heartbreak.

I know you think you are just being “nice,” but you are smothering your twin flame and making him feel like a clueless kid who can’t take care of himself.

He has no other choice but to see you as an annoying mother, and this is the quickest turn-off for him. Your twin will pull away from you, “forget” to call you, work more, play video games all day, and become more grumpy and passive at home.

3 steps to stop all mothering behavior and inspire your twin flame to step up 

🔥Step #1: Decide What You Want

Women often come to me and say that they can’t change and that it’s in their caring nature to please, nurture, and give. 

This is bullshit 🤣 At least for most women! As a woman, you are trained to be in masculine energy, and, believe it or not, nurturing is not a feminine quality.

Mothering, like mothering with children, is often driven by masculine energy. It's about multi-tasking, go go go, do do do, 24 hours a day.

It’s just that women have taken this road for so many years that that hardcore masculine energy is seen as “feminine” in today’s society.

Taking the role of the mother in your relationship is masculine and, therefore, not attractive for masculine men. You need to decide how you want your relationship to look and if you want to be his mother or his lover.

What do you want in romantic relationships?

Do you want a masculine or feminine partner?

Do you want your twin flame to take the lead, do the heavy lifting, and become more loving, giving, romantic and affectionate? 

Or do you want to be in control and have him sitting around, not doing much, and waiting for you to tell him what the next step is?

If you want to take the masculine role, you’re the perfect “alpha masculine” and feel good being with a feminine energy man.

Feminine energy men can be great, artistic, soft, sensitive, easy to talk with, emotional, and listening! Of course, many masculine-energy men have these qualities too, but you might prefer being the more masculine partner.

If so, go ahead and nurture him as much as you want. But if you want to be spoiled, adored, and taken care of by a man, you can't take the masculine mothering role.

You can’t have both. 

The energy you choose to be in will attract different reactions and actions from your twin flame. Decide what energy resonates with you the most and be in it.

The key is in practice, not genes. 

Art by xavieralopez

🔥Step #2: Recognize & Stop Mothering Behaviours

So, now that we have decided that you want to be the feminine partner. But first, let's find out precisely what mothering behavior is.

If you are single and not in a committed relationship with your twin (you're only dating), you need to be extra careful not to fall into any householding. Dating is about him impressing you and taking care of you. Sharing householding is girlfriend or wife benefits and is nothing a diva does in the early stages of dating.

If you and your twin are living together, and you’re cooking, cleaning, and shopping for your household, while he does other things for your home, then that's not necessarily mothering or leaning forward. Instead, you are partners and a team; of course, you will help each other.

So where goes the line?

Whenever you're doing MORE for him than he's doing for YOU, it's mothering.

He has a mother already and doesn't want to date one.

But it’s always the ENERGY (or hidden agenda) in what you do that counts!

👉If you have a passion for cooking and love doing it for YOURSELF because it makes you feel happy and light, and you don't even care if he eats your delicious dinner, that is NOT mothering.  

👉If you are cooking specifically for him because you feel he never eats and needs nutrition, or you are trying to force him to eat more veggies, then it's mothering.

👉If you are dressing up, putting on makeup, and cooking him a fancy five courses dinner because you secretly want him to be more romantic towards you in return, then it's mothering.

So, recognize when you are doing things specifically for HIM when you are changing his “dirty diapers” and are “cleaning up after him." Those are the situations when you are mothering/leaning forward, especially if you're doing it with attachment to the outcome (e.g., to make him stay and love you).

Practice letting goes of control, taking a step back, allowing him to lead and provide, and learning how to have an open heart and be comfortable receiving.

🔥Step #3: Out-Girl Mama Boys

Men who can’t make up their minds, don’t know what they want, want things done for them, ask for something, chase them, and want you to take care of them, are men in feminine energy.

Some men are meant to be feminine energy. But, as I said before, feminine men can be great partners too.

But most men (especially male twin flames) have their core energy in the masculine energy. They WANT to be in masculine energy!

But they are feminized by society and ex-girlfriends. As a result, they haven’t cut the energetic umbilical cord from their mothers and healed their childhood wounds.

“Mama’s Boys” will subconsciously push you into masculine energy. To balance the Energy Exchange, you need to Out-Girl him inside the relationship. 

Out-Girling is a feminine mindset where you refuse to get in there and mother and nurture him, no matter what. 

It means that you stop with all masculine behaviors and lean the fuck back, no matter what.

If you are the one who is usually texting and calling, commenting on social media, and taking the lead in moving the relationship forward, you apply the No Contact Rule. He has to pick up his phone and do the work to contact YOU!

If you're living together, and he is sitting home watching television, accustomed to you asking about his day and giving him a back massage - you will lean back by distancing yourself even more. Stay in another room, read a good book, or do something creative. But, of course, this means he has to get up from the fucking couch, find you, and start a conversation! 

When you do this, he will change and step up into masculine energy or stick to feminine energy. 

If he can’t step up, it means that he’s incapable of acting like a man, that his genuine desire in life is to be mothered; he wants to be in feminine energy and always will be.

If this is what happens, you have to decide whether to keep him or not. You will never find out if he can be a masculine man if you don’t Out-Girl him first. That's a risk a diva is willing to take because she is sure as hell doesn't want to waste her time with false twin flames.

Just remember that he is a man, not a child.

Repeat this powerful mantra if you ever feel the need to mother him:

"He falls in love with me when he gives to me. I'm not his mother or savior. He's a grown-ass man, and it's not my responsibility to fix or help him."

With practice, mothering is not only something you don't want to do with your man, but it's also something you don't want to do to yourself.

Because if you're the kind of woman who is always looking out for and thinking about other people, friends, husbands, boyfriends, and your kids, then you're not neglecting the woman inside of you.

You're energetically raping yourself over and over again.

And I think you deserve more. You deserve EVERYTHING in love and life. 

Art by xavieralopez

Do you want to learn more of my powerful secrets to help you heal your twin flame's commitment phobia so you can finally manifest the blissful reunion you want? 

There are a few options you can do (pick two or all of them):

1. Download my free ebook Get Your Twin Flame Back, where I share my well-proven 3 step method on how to break the separation stage and manifest a twin flame reunion in 30 days or less by embodying feminine energy. Over 5000 downloads!

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3. Want to learn more about the psychology of the male twin flame and how to inspire him to commit to you THE MOST DEFINITE WAY? Then, get my powerful self-study program, Make Your Twin Flame Obsessed with You, for only $7 (for a limited time)

4. Click here to read about our twin flame reunion success stories. Grab a cup of tea and binge-read what other women just like YOU have achieved with help from my tools. You're in good hands when you come to us; our track record of 500+ reunions isn't a record to sneeze at!

Just READING our testimonials will activate a "Wow, everything is truly possible! If she can do it, so can I 🤩"  attitude within you, which is crucial for high vibration so you can manifest a twin flame reunion. Some women have displayed phone texts, calls, and dates with their twins from just VISITING our high-vibrating page!

5. Have questions? Comment below or send me an email to support@vionahaven.com and my team of certified twin flame teachers will help you create a personalized step-by-step plan to manifest a twin flame reunion in this lifetime as fast as fucking possible. 

ABOUT MOI
Viona Kali Haven

Viona Haven is a NO BS psychic coach and the authority on twin flame relationships and 5D ascension. She is the CEO and founder of her company Manifestation Diva and has helped 500+ women to reach a twin flame reunion.

Viona Haven and her company are leading the charge in teaching twin flame relationships and building female boss leaders who are devoted to global healing and changing the fucking world. The return is a twin flame love, massive mega impact, and 6-figure brands that give back. 

Viona Haven has completed her twin flame journey and lives in full union with her twin flame. Her favorite drink is hot chocolate with whipped cream because "all the cool adults drink it".

When not coaching her students into goddam goddesses, Viona can be found barefoot in nature, sunbathing by the pool, eating salted caramel ice cream, or watching Netflix documentaries about serial killers. She is a digital nomad traveling the world in a 4x4 camper van with her partner and dog. She’s never been happier.